


I Don't Love You (Frerard)

by acciomultifandom



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-06 23:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acciomultifandom/pseuds/acciomultifandom
Summary: When Gerard meets Frank, this awkward boy turns his already pretty messed up life upside-down. But with Gerard's family falling apart, will Frank and Gerard be able to keep up?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a MCR fic I started a while ago and never finished, It's been lying around quite some time so I've decided to put the start up on here and if it goes well I'll continue writing it! Get ready cuz It's probably gonna be terrible

It was almost midnight when Gerard heard a few taps on his door. He’d been laying in his bed listening to the music coming from the radio, not really because he enjoyed the music they were playing, but more because he had no intentions whatsoever to listen to what was going on in the rest of the house. The sky outside was dark and clouded, the rain was pouring down, and occasionally a loud clap of thunder would make him jump, but he liked it this way. He stood up, putting on a black sweater that was lying on his bed, and opened the door to find Mikey, his little brother, standing completely wrapped in a blue blanket. Even then he was shivering. Gerard invited Mikey in and lay back down on his bed.  
“Mom and dad are fighting again” Mikey said softly, “dad got drunk again.” 

By this point Gerard was already used to all the arguing and drunkenness, he’d lived with it most of his life. He was twenty two now, and it was just one of those small things he didn't care about, another part of his everyday life. Mikey, on the other hand, was four years younger than him and still got scared during the fights.  
“Come over here,” said Gerard, as Mikey clambered into bed beside him. “It's all going to be okay Mikey, it always is, this happens all the time.” Mikey shuffled closer to his brother. He was shaking so hard Gerard could feel him from where he was lying.  
“It's okay little bro” he whispered, “fall asleep.” Gradually Mikey's breathing got slower and more rhythmic. After a while Gerard turned off the radio and put it on the bedside table. The rain didn’t stop altogether, but it was certainly coming down less hard now. He wasn’t too sure what had happened, but either his mom had gone out, or his dad had passed out, because they were no longer fighting and the entire house had fallen silent. Everything was so peaceful, Gerard thought to himself, slightly uneasy as it was rarely peaceful around his family. The last thing he saw that night before falling asleep was Mikey’s face, no longer afraid or worried, just calm. 

The next morning, Gerard woke up early. The sun had just started to peek out and was giving off a dark yellow light. He stood up and went to open the window next to the bed. As he stretched and the chilly morning air hit his bare shoulders, he turned around and pulled up Mikey’s blanket to cover his face. Mikey stirred a bit but didn't wake up. After going downstairs and finding nothing he actually wanted to eat, he put on his sweater and went out into the streets. The neighborhood was always the best at this time during weekdays, most people were still asleep or already working, which left the streets pretty empty. 

As he passed neatly painted houses, varying in size, every now and again he bumped into a few kids playing or an old lady walking her dogs, but most of the time he was alone and it gave him time to think. Thinking was something he had been putting off for quite a while, bottling it all down so as to not be vulnerable. But now he was alone and he let his mind wander. It was during moments like these he would often come up with small verses, almost poems, or at least fragments of them. At one point he would have even called them music, but that thought was long gone. The musician in the family was Mikey, not him, he could barely play guitar. Besides, even if he were to start making music again, it’s not like anyone would care; besides he, didn't really want to share those thoughts and lyrics with anybody, not even Mikey. No, those were his own, not anyone else’s. 

As he thought this, he rounded the corner of the street and found himself in front of a small cafe with a breakfast sign displaying various prices in the entrance. After rummaging through his pockets and finding a five dollar note, Why not, he thought and he walked into the small cafe. The inside was made to feel vintagey and cozy. Dark brown paint had started peeling off the walls, showing bits and pieces of the white beneath it. The whole place smelled strongly of coffee and pastry. However, most of the tables were occupied, and the moment he walked in he had started to feel anxious about the amount of people packed into this tiny shop all at once. He was just about set on leaving, when he saw a boy around Mikey’s age sitting alone listening to music. He had seen him before around town and he knew they had a few people in common. 

Normally, Gerard’s shy and restrictive nature would have gotten the best of him, but something about this lonely boy made him look inviting, as if he were screaming for someone to sit next to him, and to be frank, Gerard’s severe lack of friends was getting alarming, even to him. He approached hesitantly. The boy didn't notice him until he had shuffled around the chair and sat down, then he looked up at Gerard questioningly.  
“What are you listening to?” Gerard asked, already starting to panic.  
“Ummm… nothing much, just some Green Day” he replied, sounding embarrassed.  
“Oh, that’s pretty cool”  
“For real?” He sounded surprised. “Most people would think I’m a freak.” Gerard laughed as a faint smile crept its way on Frank’s face. “I’m Frank, by the way.”  
“Gerard Way” he said, shaking Frank’s hand. He didn’t seem at all bothered by Gerard sitting at his table. That was good, Gerard thought to himself, he was doing good, he couldn’t mess this up. When the waitress came by, Gerard asked for a cup of coffee and a slice of toast, Frank didn’t order anything. They made comfortable small talk before the waitress came back with Gerard’s toast. 

All the time they had been sitting there, Frank still had his earphones on and the music so was so loud Gerard could hear some from where he was sitting  
“You’re really into this music, aren’t you?” he asked.  
“Yeah, I'm actually hoping to learn something from all these big artists and stuff.”  
“To learn from them?”  
“Oh, yeah, I guess I play the guitar.”  
“That’s cool, my brother plays the bass,” he told Frank, “you should come over sometime to play with him”.  
“Do you play anything?” Frank asked.  
“No, not really. I, umm..., I played a bit of guitar but i was never good at it.”  
“Shame, you should try it out again, I could teach you,” He said, and Gerard could tell he was trying to hide his enthusiasm.  
Maybe Frank actually wanted him to play music, Gerard thought, surprised. But no one had ever cared about his music, if anything they cared about his drawings and comics. And while somebody caring about his music would usually feel uncomfortable and invasive, this time it didn’t. Why did it feel like this boy he had just met cared more than anyone else in Gerard's life? 

They talked awhile more before paying the bill and leaving. As soon as they left Gerard took a pack of cigars out of his pocket and lit one, putting it in his mouth. “Well I’m headed home, do you want to come?” He asked Frank.  
“Sure, I can’t be too long though.”  
They started down the road, which was now slightly more crowded than before. The sun was up completely by this time, and it was less cold than earlier. Gerard lead the way, Frank right behind him as they walked past large and small houses. They were silent most of the way, but it was no longer uncomfortable. Just… strange. It was strange to be walking with someone, when Gerard was used to being lonely and reclusive. It was nice though.

They reached Gerard’s house on the corner of the street still in silence and stopped for Gerard to put out his cigar before going in. The house wasn’t particularly large, but it was in a good state, everything had been cleaned up the night before. Going in, they found Mikey still in Gerard’s bed, but now awake reading a book.  
“Mikey, you’re up,” stated Gerard as he walked in, “This is Frank”. Frank stood awkwardly in the doorway, smiling and waving at Mikey when he looked up. “Frank plays the guitar” said Gerard, matter-of-factly.  
“Nice,” said Mikey, “I play the bass.”  
“Yeah, Gerard told me.”  
“Hey Mikey, I think we’re going to go up to the attic,” said Gerard, “C’mon Frank, you can play some guitar for me”.


	2. Chapter 2

The large speaker was on and at full volume. Gerard was looking up from where he was sitting on a cushion on the floor, as the sound of Frank playing his guitar filled the whole room and echoed off the walls. It wasn’t the first time he played for Gerard, they had done this several times before, but Gerard was still amazed by it every single time. He looked up at Frank playing one note after another, making incredible melodies and solos, his fingers moving extremely fast. Finally, Frank played one last long note and dropped to his knees, panting. He passed the guitar strap over his head and put down the guitar lightly, before crawling over to where Gerard was sitting and taking a seat next to him.  
“That was awesome,” said Gerard enthusiastically, “you’re so good at this.”  
“Nah, I’ve already told you, I just practice a lot. Besides, I’m hardly that great.”

But there was no convincing Gerard when it came to this. He quite honestly thought Frank’s music was the best, and that no one would ever play better than Frank.  
“Well I thought it was great,” Gerard said, disappointed that frank didn’t feel the same way about it. “I wish I could play as well as you do.”  
“Gerard,” he hesitated,” we’ve been over this before.” Gerard rolled his eyes. “You really aren't that bad, and if you do want to play I can help you.”  
They had been over this before, but still it didn't feel right. As much as he would love to play the guitar well, more and more everyday Gerard felt like maybe his thing was singing, maybe his lyrics could be turned into songs, and just maybe Frank would be willing to help him. Just not yet. He wasn't ready yet.

Gerard turned his head to look at Frank, he looked annoyed but calmed down a bit when Gerard looked at him. Their eyes locked as Gerard searched for a clue as to what Frank was thinking. Frank had the most beautiful eyes, he realized with a jump. The most deep and beautiful hazel eyes he had ever seen. Frank started to look uncomfortable, Gerard turned his head sharply as he realized he had been staring.

“I don’t know”, Gerard started, “It’s like the guitar suits you perfectly, Mikeys always loved the bass. I… haven’t really found my thing yet.”  
“Have you ever thought about singing?” Frank asked.  
“Wh-what? No, not really.” Goddamnit Gerard could you be more obvious.  
Frank looked confused. Almost… insulted?  
He’s seeing right through me. Fuck, what do I say now?  
“Don’t think I haven’t seen you Gerard, constantly singing under your breath. When you think noone can hear.”  
Gerard was really panicking now. “Oh, yeah but it’s not anything serious, I just get distracted. Besides is not like anything I’d sing would be any good”  
“C’mon Gee, at least give it a chance. Let me hear you, properly. You’re probably not even that bad.”  
Gerard looked away.  
Frank continued, “maybe we could even play together. You, Me, Mikey?”  
“Look Frank, can you please just leave it? I'm not singing for you. I’m not singing for anyone”  
“Okay, geez, I’m sorry.” He paused. “I just thought, you know, because I’ve played for you so many times”.  
“It isn't you Frank, I just don’t sing. I'm sorry”  
”No, I just hoped you trusted me”. He looked hurt.  
“I do Frank, I really do, just not this.”  
“You know what, I told my mom I’d be back home before dark, besides, I have school tommorow”. Gerard knew he was lying. He hadn't told his mom anything, he always stayed until late. No, Frank was just mad with him, he had messed it all up. His only friend and he had to go mess it up. He cursed again before rushing up and hurrying down the stairs. Frank was halfway out the door when he caught up.

“I'm sorry Frank, I really am. Don't go.” Frank looked back at Gerard, noticing the tears in his eyes. “I don’t-” He sighed.  
Frank’s expression softened. “Look I'm sorry for getting mad, I've had a terrible day. I just want to go to bed.”  
“It's okay, I get it,” Gerard said. His day had been crap too, but for other reasons. He hesitated, before deciding to wrap his arms around Frank’s shoulders, mainly because he didn't want Frank to see his face. He didn't want Frank to see him cry. Frank was taken by surprise, it took him a moment but he hugged Gerard back.  
“Thanks,” Gerard whispered.  
“For what?”  
“Everything.” There were silent for a moment. Gerard was gathering all the courage he had. He needed it for this. “I love you frank.”  
“I - I know.”


	3. Chapter 3

It had been exactly six days since last time he had seen frank. Six days, almost a week, since he had told him he loved him. Not that he had meant to at all, it had just kind of rushed out before he knew what he was doing. It couldn't possibly be that bad, Gerard thought. Love could be interpreted in many ways. It could be love for a friend, for a brother, surely Frank understood that, right? 

The day after it happened Gerard had called to see what was going on, but no answer. Two days later he had called again, more because he missed Frank than anything. He had already planned what he was going to do, how he would take back what he had said if had to. Once again he got sent to voicemail. He’d texted him again and again, but no answer. It was all too much, by this point it didn’t even matter what Frank thought about their last encounter, he just needed something, anything, to know Frank was okay. He’d made up his mind for sure, if Frank wouldn't talk to him, he would go looking for Frank. 

He stepped out of his house, going over what he was going to say again and again in his head. As he walked through his neighborhood he was so distracted he stumbled a few times, and even though he knew this are like the back of his hand, he wandered off on the wrong street and got lost for a good five minutes.  
He knew more or less were Frank lived as he had gone to drop him off the day they first met, but that had been a couple of weeks ago, and the memory was hazy. The fact that he had spent most of the walk distracted looking at Frank didn’t really help either. He made his way down the streets counting his steps under his breath to take his mind off Frank. His knees got weaker and his breath shorter as he started recognizing some of the houses as those of Frank’s neighbor. Once he reached the doorstep, he jumped around a bit and took a deep breath before stepping up and ringing the doorbell.   
“Fraaank” he heard a voice inside call. “Get the door”.  
Frank opened the door dressed in an oversized black sweater with a red and white logo peeling off the front. Gerard stood in the doorway, speechless for just a second, though it felt like hours to him. Finally, Frank spoke.  
“Oh, it’s you”. His face was emotionless.  
“Yeah, it's me,” Gerard replied awkwardly. He’d been planning all this for days but his mind had gone blank.   
“Where have you been, Frank?” He asked, trying not to lose his temper. “I've called you so many times, why won't you answer?”  
“I- I’m sorry” Frank said, almost in a whisper. “I would have called but… I didn't know what to say. Look, can we just go to your place, I'll make it up to you”.

That was it. He hadn't known what to say. It was as lame as an excuse could get, and Gerard was still mad as hell, but it didn't change the fact that all he wanted was his friend back. He waited on the doorstep listening to music while Frank got changed and came back out. He was dressed all in black, which made his hazel eyes look lighter. Gerard was never going to get over those beautiful hazel eyes, but no, not yet. He’d just got his best friend back; it was too soon to be thinking about his beautiful hazel eyes. Frank rushed in and grabbed his keys, and then they slowly started towards Gerard's house.They walked in complete silence, and even though he had all the right to be mad, it took one look from Frank for Gerard to forgive him and even feel bad about being angry.  
“Look I- I’m sorry I was angry but I was worried. I know I made things awkward between us last time and if you don’t want to hang out anymore that’s okay, but at least let me know. I deserve that much.”  
Frank looked up from the ground for the first time since they started walking.  
“No, Gee, I do want to. I’m sorry. Besides, I can’t afford to lose you, It’s not like I have many other friends to go to.”  
At this Gerard couldn’t help but smile, and when Frank saw Gerard smile he chuckled. Things were starting to go back to normal.

They were in Gerard's attic, a small room with wooden floor boards and a triangle shaped roof. Gerard sat on the couch while he waited for Frank, who had gone to buy some popcorn nearby. Mikey was out with some friends, which left just them. He had wanted Frank to play for him again, but he had just got his friend back and the last thing he wanted to be was annoying, so he settled on watching a scary movie. He looked through the cabinet under the TV for the least scary one he could find. About ten minutes in, Frank had fallen asleep, mainly because the movie had been terrible up to now. He woke up a second to rearrange himself into a more comfortable position, which happened to be with his head on Gerard's lap. Gerard tensed, trying so hard not to move he barely breathed. About halfway through the movie Gerard fell asleep too. When he finally woke up the credits were rolling and Frank was still cuddled up to him beneath all the blankets. He tried his hardest not to wake Frank up but as soon as he moved Frank's eyes started to flutter.  
“Hey” he whispered, “is the movie over?”  
“Yeah”  
“Oh thank god, it was terrible.” Frank sat up, his hair sticking up in all directions and his eyes barely open. Gerard chuckled. There was a moment of silence while Frank’s eyes adjusted to the light.  
“Hey Gerard?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I do to”  
Gerard looked puzzled. “You what too?”   
“I love you too. I really mean it.”  
“I meant it too Frank”. There was a moment of silence and then, before he even knew what he was doing, Gerard rushed forward and kissed Frank.   
His eyes closed, he waited for a response. Then suddenly, Frank was kissing him back, and their lips were moving together, and it was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the first chapter! Give me feedback, criticize the hell out of it if you like because I need to get better at this stuff.


End file.
